Rekindled Friendships

My oldest and dearest friend I have known since I was 8 years old. Maybe 7. I'm 26 now (she is one year younger, but skipped first grade). We were best friends instantly - we just clicked. We loved shopping and... well, mostly shopping, but we liked the same books and movies and TV shows and had the same hobbies... everything. We talked on the phone every day, sleep overs every weekend. Not once, EVER, did we have a fight. Not even one of those stupid childhood fights over Barbie dolls or whatever.

In 6th grade her family moved away from California to Idaho. I was heartbroken. We kept in touch, on the phone as often as we were allowed, writing letters (this was before everyone had email). I went to visit the following summer - that was a miserable experience. Over the years we lost touch. The letters were down to a trickle; the phone calls were non-existant. Out of the blue one day towards the end of high school, she began writing me again. I was elated! The friendship was struggling back from the brink. Not long after high school graduation she revealed her plans to move back to Los Angeles.

When she got here, it was as if not a second had passed. We were instant best friends again - going to movies, shopping, dinner, hanging out, whatever. But things were amiss. She started flaking out on me, more and more frequently. And I always got one of three reasons:

"I'm too hung over from last night."

"I'm going out drinking with friends"

"I have to rest because I am going drinking tomorrow night."

She was drinking. A lot. At this time I still drank, but not to excess - I had never been hung over, vomited, or blacked out. And her occasional pot smoking was becoming less occasional and more regular. New Years Eve, 2002, I remember sitting on the floor in the kitchen, crying, and drinking straight from a bottle of vodka in the middle of the party (which was part of my own drinking "problem" - more on that at another time) over something she had told me (which I feel no need to repeat here).

Shortly thereafter she flaked on me yet again. I was driving by her apartment and made an unannounced stop. After arguing with her through the door for over a half-hour, she let me in. It was 2pm on a Saturday afternoon; she was on her 3rd GnT and had 2 empty bottles of wine by her bed. I don't remember what was said, but I left upset. A few nights later she again flaked on movie plans because she wanted to go drinking. She was always so... NICE about it, apologizing profusely, promising to make it up to me. The conversation ended with me yelling at her, crying almost hysterically, and hanging up.

It was the last time I spoke to her for four years.

Shortly after I got engaged, I sent her an instant message to tell her about the upcoming nuptials. When I didn't hear back from her I was hurt, but had gotten used to her not being in my life. I had always assumed she would be my Maid of Honor, but that obviously wasn't going to happen. She DID respond, 2 weeks later, at like 3am. It was a short, strained conversation.

About a month before I got married, I got an instant message from her - SHE was newly engaged. This conversation went better. I was still highly on guard, but inside I wanted to forget about all the hurt and return to that friendship. I cautiously agreed to meet her for dinner.

When she arrived we hugged, and engaged in tentative chit-chat. We each were visibly nervous - like a first date - but slowly relaxed. She finally took a stab. "I don't even remember why we stopped talking."

"You don't?" I stabbed. "Because I sure do."

She was embarrassed. "Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't remember."

Here followed me, finally confronting her, about how hurt I was that she chose drugs and alcohol over me, her oldest and closest friend. I told her all the instances that hurt me the most, how I was scared for her, but how I couldn't stick around to get trampled on emotionally. She apologized profusely, swore to a years sobriety, and "made amends" as the 12-steppers say.

It was cathartic. And everything went back to being OK. "Well, good, now that we have cleared that up, will you be having chicken or fish at the wedding?" She almost started to cry again, elated to be invited. I, of course, was thrilled that one of the most important people in my life would be there. She swore she wouldn't miss it for anything, and she didn't.

Now we are (if you will permit the grammar) bestest friends again. We talk constantly. When we are together, the chatter does not let up for a second. Sometimes I think we have 3 or 4 conversations going with each other simultaneously. I am honored to be a bridesmaid in her September wedding. I love her dearly and am thankful she finally got her act together. I make sure to tell her that often, too, lest she forget.